The Oopsleague Creed!!!
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and
when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the
back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the
herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole
is
maintained by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as
the
slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass.
Recent
epidemiological studies have shown that while alcohol kills off
brain
cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
Thus, regular consumption of beer helps eliminate the weaker cells,
constantly making the brain a faster more efficient machine. The
result of this in depth study verifies and validates the causal link
between all weekend parties and job related performance. It also
explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and
getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the
performance of the new graduates.
Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious
alcoholic
consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve
during their college years. This is a call to arms. As our country
is
losing its technological edge, we must not shudder in our homes. Get
back into the bars. Quaff that pint. Your company and country need
you
to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that
you could have.
Our thanks to Donna Gifford for this insight
A Few golf Meditations
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at
a much earlier age.
When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down
again at exactly the moment when
you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas
about the golf swing.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of
his own haircut.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces and bounces that are just the
way you meant to play them.
You can hit a two-acre fairway 10 percent of the time and a two-inch branch 90 percent of the time.
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the
fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
Hazards attract; fairways repel.
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in
the bunker.
If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it